LEARNING TO BELIEVE FROM DOUBT
It’s not easy to sincerely respond to that question that Jesus makes to Peter in the very moment he saves him from the waters. «Why did you doubt?»
Sometimes the deepest convictions fade in us and the eyes of the soul get cloudy on us without us knowing exactly why. Principles that were accepted forever as immovable begin to wobble. And there awakens in us the temptation to abandon it all without rebuilding anything new.
Other times, God’s mystery becomes overwhelming to us. The last word about my life escapes me and it’s hard to abandon myself to the mystery: my reason is unsatisfied and keeps looking for a clear and true light that isn’t found and never could be found.
More than a few times the superficiality and glibness of our daily life and the secret cult of so many idols submerge us in big crises of indifference and inner skepticism, with the sensation of having really lost God.
Frequently it’s our own sin that breaks our faith, since faith declines and weakens when we distance ourselves from God. If we’re sincere, we need to confess that there’s an enormous distance between the believer we profess to be and the believer we are in reality. What to do when we confirm in ourselves a faith at times so fragile and unsteady?
What’s primary is to not lose hope or get frightened at discovering within us doubts and uncertainties. The search for God is lived out almost always in insecurity, obscurity and risk. God is sought «blindly». And we mustn’t forget that many times «genuine faith can only appear as doubt overcome» (Ladislao Boros).
What’s important is to accept God’s mystery with an open heart. Our faith depends on the truth of our relationship with God. And it’s not necessary to hope that our questions and doubts get resolved in order to live in truth before that Father.
That’s why it’s important to know how to cry out as Peter did: «Lord, save me». To know how to raise our empty hands to God, not just as a gesture of supplication, but also of a trusting giving of ourselves as someone who knows ourselves to be small, ignorant and in need of salvation. Let’s not forget that faith is «walking over the waters», but with the possibility of always meeting up with that hand that saves us when we start to sink.
José Antonio Pagola
Translator: Fr. Jay VonHandorf
